A prayer

by Beisan (Bahrain)

A man told his grandson: “A terrible fight is going on inside me — a fight between two wolves. One is evil, and represents hate, anger, arrogance, intolerance, and superiority. The other is good, and represents joy, peace, love, tolerance, understanding, humility, kindness, empathy, generosity, and compassion. This same fight is going on inside you, inside every other person too.”

The grandson then asked: “Which wolf will win?” The old man replied simply: “The one you feed.”

Strong words free your mind. It’s nice to wonder if you are inhumane to marvel on your evil intentions and whether they deserve to be executed, and then read something like this and know that you’re not the only one. That your feeling is theorized and categorized and has a philosophical label probably. It’s nice to ensure yourself that you are not born innately good. That being selfish and evil is just a survival instinct. That somehow your mind is naturally implanted with the vague idea that you have an ‘Off’ switch and someone else is controlling it and that you don’t have to go through the trouble of truly realizing that. Because life is short. Because noticing how fragile the world around you is gives you reason to belong to it all the more. But when did that happen? But….

They say that people retrieve back to the womb they were created in the older and weaker they get. Sounds heard through clay walls, an overstretched bucket of water on top of our heads to hinder communication with anything outside the human form of what we will soon be.

And that the life cycle is a permeable cell, its membrane easily broken and its contents rapidly diffused into nothing whole, nothing real nor living. Sooner or later, we’ll retrace the same steps but tread them differently; subconsciously… we will become kids again and amuse ourselves with colors, shapes, sounds, effects, texture, noise. We will rediscover what we have discovered and then discern them all over again; we won’t have as much time as we had in our lifetime to redo all that. Just a sprinkle of its containments is enough to understand the whole.

When your life is a cake destined to be gobbled up in small pieces… don’t forget to eat the last.

Briefly! in a very small amount of time the flavor will soon be washed down by the natural excretion of your saliva. Fucking savor the moment… and you’ll be so close to understanding the suddenness of life.

Those who ask us to face our fears obviously had their eyes shut in their own devastating experience. Because fear has no face, it hardly exists beyond ourselves and it is only through other humans that we unearth it and sense that it is there to avoid… and that once we are old and wrinkled, this materialistic fear of loss ceases to exist. I once pulled a beautiful and fairly large weed plant from its roots… have you ever done that? It feels gratifying to snatch the life away from something useless… I wish I could do that now without feeling juvenile. But fear is more innate than anyone could ever imagine… we are born with it aren’t we? When I was born, that screeching announcement of my arrival was a deplorable fear of a new setting. We are taught to fear our parents first in order to comprehend the concept of respecting them. But slowly…. We retreat back to that womb and nod our heads with wisdom as if all the pain we ever went through is now finally justified in the pathetic aged cloudiness of our minds.

My friend once told me that all her life she always felt like she was balancing her weight on a thin fishing string, and that her spandex tights are crawling up her huge ass and everyone is pointing at it. She would clutch her cheeks and noisily talk about the space tension she always imagines herself in, how distant yet challenging her audience would be and how her thighs hurt.

When did we start feeling all of these ‘musts’ to wake up and tune in?

When did her wonderful childhood circus turn her into a fraud?

… Something is happening to our world and I feel stupid even SAYING it.

Things changed. Some people are hip with it, some are not. It’s all about being utterly fucked if you know what I am talking about. Whatever.

There is balance everywhere but no scale to weigh it on.

History is made in a night. If you think you can change the evil world, a black and white child can do that perfectly. Not a grey one. As much as we want to become ONE, we can’t deny that We are just the summed up parts of the whole.

We need to deconstruct ourselves to see that we are made of something more unified. The realm of establishing a better world to live with God is in every religion known to me. Jesus is coming back to save. Muslims will be redeemed and judged. Hindus will be accumulated back to the earth, etc. But God’s lineage is not so specific, only His mission is. And yet we have to try to fight for it even when we all know that there is a bigger goal, better ignored.

“When the Jews killed Jesus to recreate Israel, they were ‘destined’ to repent during Hitler’s time.” Someone told me once that this is why Hitler killed 6 million Jews… because they had to repent for what they did to Jesus!

Is THIS why we are dying? Why our world is decaying? It is childish. THIS generation of Adam and Eve are juvenile and stupid as if Doctor Seuss wrote their story. They have separated mind from body from soul from logic from reason from pain from love from hate from patience from it all. Even our heaven and earth is confined, choked and burdened. God’s lineage has changed from “the righteous” to “the powerful”. This is so out of line. So wrong. In the realm of your pathetic existence, you must be responsible to be aware or whichever way that makes you responsible. Nothing is what it seems to be. Nothing is what it seems to be. Nothing is what it seems to be …. Nothing is what it seems to be. So think because it IS easier than not thinking. There are no nations chosen to be God’s nations. You must lead these nations back to the reunion of our scattered selves under this generations tongue.

Everything implanted has to be burned away and re-rooted. By words.

I never thought that one day I would think of anything in the morning other than what outfit I should wear that would look best under the lighting outside. Lately, I feel naked. I have been waking up with the impulse to lead myself through sharing a shocking realization. This is a serious issue, because it incites you to realize that you have to change the way you are living and live correctly or there will be consequences. Do you see? We are buried under an overlap of who we were, who we had become and who we have changed to- that it is difficult to look down and figure out why we are what we are.

I want to know why my memories of childhood seem like someone else’s, I am sure those who are reading this must also feel an impulse to reunite with SOMETHING greater and deeper. The world started smelling of old blood and rusty metal. It stinks.

“Believers, Jews, Sabaeans or Christians – whoever believes in God and the Last Day and does what is right – shall have nothing to fear or regret”- Quote from the Quran

2:177 Righteousness is not turning your faces towards the east or the west. Righteous are those who believe in GOD, the Last Day, the angels, the scripture, and the prophets; and they give the money, cheerfully, to the relatives, the orphans, the needy, the traveling alien, the beggars, and to free the slaves; and they observe the Contact Prayers (Salat) and give the obligatory charity (Zakat); and they keep their word whenever they make a promise; and they steadfastly persevere in the face of persecution, hardship, and war. These are the truthful; these are the righteous.

WELL? Are they among us? Are we among ourselves? Does it really just take a cup of coffee every morning to get our brains operating and get our souls fed with socks? Am I patient? Am I steadfast? Am I fair? Am I certain about my belief? Am I a hypocrite? Do I care at all? Do I care fully? Have I submitted myself to God? Who do I follow? Religion or politics? Who do I worship? God or myself? Who is in full control? My mind or an omnipotent one? Again, who the hell is in full control?

Who do I fear? God or the balms?

How easy is it? To make a difference!

Do I persevere? Or do I say it to live through the day easily?

What am I persevering for?

Do I show appreciation? Do I actually appreciate? Am I being honest?

Does last Prophet mean last Messenger? Will there be no one to refresh our hearing aid?

What is a partner? Where is my team?

What is Idolatry? Do I practice it subconsciously?

WHAT DO I BELIEVE? WHAT DO I BELIEVE? WHAT DO I BELIEVE? Can you put it in one sentence?

If Islam means SUBMISSION and Muslim means SUBMITTER….. then?! Isn’t that THAT? Why are we planting a bed of roses to submit ourselves on?

60:2 O you who believe, why do you say what you do not do?

My human garden has a soil of nasty feces of the universal law of ruthless selfishness. How much ever they will deplore my land it will not stop from being there and You will not stop from being true.

God, this prayer is mainly intended to be interesting, but if you would extract a moral from it, read it as a warning. Be warned that I believe that I can’t wish to build a new society in which I can generously cooperate. I believe that it would be safer to expect little help from nature. Help me teach generosity and altruism through my imperfection, because we are born selfish. Let me understand what human selfish genes have planned, because I may then at least have the chance to distort their design. Give me passion. Give me passion. Give me passion. Give me that Something that no other species have ever aspired to. Give me….

Because it’s time to understand.