Relationships at Amman
There is a severe problem in relationships in Amman. I am talking about pre-marital relationships for people between the ages 20-30.
At this point of time, women are getting in a dilemma like never before. With the rapid changes happening in the Jordanian society of going from a closed conservative society to a more and more open liberal one in less than 20 years time, it is becoming harder for women to know what is accepted from their behavior in this society.
Now with more and more women getting better education, going out to work, and achieving more in their careers, they are in more competitive situation like never before to get the right man in their side which is something essential in our society.
The dilemma every woman in Amman deals with is how to maintain an accepted moral social or religious values while at the same time dealing with the flow of the advancement of the Jordanian society.
One would say that modernization doesn’t have to contradict with the Jordanian values, but that isn’t necessary true. For instance 20 years ago, women going out in the same car with another man even if he is just a friend wasn’t acceptable. Now, and even though you can still see some women worried of getting into other males friends car, you can see that it much more accepted than before.
I guess that it is even fair to say that current generation of university and school students find it odd for a girl not to have a boyfriend which was something forbidden a decade ago.
Unfortunately the shadow of the old mentality is still dictating current relationships. Now that people started accepting pre-marital relationships, women have still to decide the picture of such relationship. How much she is willing to give the man she loves might backfire on her. Giving too much might put her in a bad light, and holding back much would just put more strain to her relationship.
In the other hand, and while men’s mentality is changing, there is still a big portion of men who are ready to date many women for fun while end up marrying someone they barely know because they think that women who date are not good for marriage.
Bad men and women didn’t leave a room for the good ones to feel comfortable in their relationships. There are a good portion of open minded men who suffer from the holding back of the women they love, and their are many women who are suffering because they gave much in a previous relationship, there are also many women suffering in silence for their fear of the time passing without them being able to get married because they find it in appropriate to give more and so ending up invincible in a competitive society.
A complicated formula that each one has to play among his/her circle of people. I guess more trust in other people would give a small solution to this cumbersome problem.
At the end, I believe that you are FREE to do whatever you like to do as long as you do not hurt anybody…..don’t you think so?
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Excellent topic, Bashar.
How very true, even in the case of Bahrain. In fact if I replace Amman with Bahrain in your post, I probably wouldn’t change a thing, it’s very similar.
Two articles were written about this here. It’s a pretty sad situation, but one people have chosen to accept. It’s a rather corrupt way of thinking and unfortunately it’s really common amongst Arab men.
Yes, I think so. I’ve interviewed a Lebanese gay activist for this site and he believed so too. People should do whatever they wish to do, and hopefully they’ll do these things responsibly.
Bashar-
Get topic…the problem is “freedom”…personal freedom as opposed to values dictated by government or community. Sex is just one issue.
If it feels good and doesn’t hurt anybody? That is a BS line from 1960′s western hippies that proved to be a diaster…AIDS being one of those disasters…
But Jordanian values? Who cares? Did the Hashamites have some special direct connection with God?
These decisions must be made between you and your Maker. Of course there can be familial, community or political repercussions. But your confusion, overall, is one price of freedom of choice. Read some of SudaneseThinker’s stuff. he is really on to this idea.
Muslim societies have been, overall, enormously repressive, especially when it comes to women and girls. As people get access to new ideas and truth…they will either run for the cover of the hijab or take the frightening step towards dealing with all kinds of nuance, inconsistency and very grey areas.
Should someone “take the hijab” after looking for truth and listening to fair arguements…then God bless them, but these things must never be foisted on somebody.
Really, this topic and the “violence” one deserve more discussion than the small matter of the Iranian student getting tazed (though if I were that student I wouldn’t think so).
Hey, Howie, I am from the 1970′s, and AIDS was not started by “us” or the ones before us. The attitude of “free love” (I hate to use that term, BUT I like its shock value here
) was an inevitable step once the Pill became widely available. The hypocrisy in society, and the way women were toys of men had to be eventually given some kind of temporary “resolution”, with the sexual resolution. So that was California in the 1960′s and it was Japan in the 1990′s and now it is Bahrain and Jordan in 2100. It is a wave that is rushing through and AIDS has made is stronger and more destructive.
Ooooooh I want to write more, but I have 4 hrs. of work staring at me before tomorrow morning.
good,what i can say good step to the best
Ok jordanian guys, keep condonms handy:)
and jordanian girls yeh, have contraceptives at hand—who knows when those raging hormones and intense body heat may explode!!!
We continue to blame our elders (the old generation) for the fun we want to add to our lives. We should maintain and be proud of our social values that differentiate us from other LIBERAL countries. As far as religion is concerned, it’s values do not change by time or through different generations. Pre-Marriage relations are forbidden by all religions and we can see the effects it has on the family structure in the west.
For one, I would not want my sister or daughter to do so, and I think the same applies to you.
Lets think about more productive subjects and copy the scientific and technological success the west achieved rather than with which innocent girl I should cheat and sleep with tonight.