Interview with a Syrian homosexual
I conducted some interviews in the past with homosexual activists, because I would like to cover taboos in the Middle East and this is most certainly one of them.
You can find my previous interview here.
I met an interesting person a while back who told me her story which I’ve been wanting to share for a long time, but since this is really controversial I stopped myself from posting about it. I contacted her earlier this week and she agreed to have this published if I could only use her first name, Lina. We met through a friend I went to high school with who gave me her contact information when I wanted to find out about gay rights in the Middle East for a report I was covering. She is Syrian but has been living in Australia to complete her college studies. Since she lost her family (just because she’s gay) she is fully supported by another great and very open-minded Syrian family who now treat her as their own and gave her an opportunity to study abroad, something Lina’s family were really against.
Firstly since Lina will be given a link to this post I must encourage you all to please be respectful of her views and beliefs. Feel free to criticize and contest her opinions but refrain from insults.
Q. How does it feel like to be a female gay rights activist in the Middle East?
A. It doesn’t feel anything. I grew up being ashamed of who I am and after exposing myself to other homosexuals in the region I gained respect for myself and the values I stand for. I became confident. I know that people expect me to say that I feel awful and badly represented in the main stream media and especially in the Arab media who describe homosexuality as a satanic trait, but they treat Jews and even Kurds that way too, so I am not very bothered by it. I don’t feel any different. I am normal.
Q. Do you consider yourself a practicing Muslim?
A. The answer to this question might surprise you, because for many homosexuals you will know that they have left Islam. They think Islam is brutal for not accepting gays just because we have a different taste. Yes I am a Muslim. I pray as much as I can, whenever and wherever I can, and I find myself accepted in this faith … yet not by other Muslims. There is only one thing that can declare who I am and who I am not, and that’s God. No one else has any right to label me.
Q. What do you feel about Islam’s stance on homosexuality?
A. It’s forbidden, I know this, but I think it goes beyond what we see in Islamic societies. Just like terrorism, it is mostly how people interpret it and their mentalities in general. We grew up in a place where boyfriends and girlfriends are rarely accepted too. You don’t see your average Arab teenager introducing her lovers to her family unless that person comes from an extremely liberal family, so what makes us think that homosexuals will be accepted any time soon? There are other steps to be taken before we introduce this in the Arab world. There are still many places where women’s rights are abused and where forced marriage takes place. I don’t want to jump into that because I do realize that progress is taking place, I’m just saying that I don’t think people in Arab and Muslim societies are very ready to be accepting of this unless we create a more open minded and liberal atmosphere. To go back to the question, I’m a good person. Why would I be damned to Hell just for being attracted to a different gender? It doesn’t make sense. I think the Qu’ran has its exceptions and it’s mentioned a lot. People are just stuck with the main theme, they never read beyond. Good values and a golden, generous heart is what matters the most in Islam. If anyone is going to damn me to Hell it’s god himself and not some loser on Iqraa TV or any other TV where gays are made fun of and called corrupted sinners.
Q. Do your parents know you’re gay and if so, how did they react when you told them, or when they found out?
A. I told them because I trusted them to love me no matter what. I was wrong. They kicked me out and burned some of my belongings. I was homeless for a week until my friends helped me out. I didn’t ask for help because I was too scared and embarrassed, I was only maybe 17 at that time. Since then I explained my situation thoroughly to my friend’s parents and they basically adopted me. Without them I wouldn’t be here and I certainly wouldn’t be safe. I know that other homosexuals in this position are still homeless or are trying to run away from home because of familial abuse.
Q. Do you associate yourself with other homosexual activists?
A. This is an interesting question, and I think you only asked me this because we have spoken in the past and maybe you realize that I am not like everyone else. Firstly I am against the gay activists who think homosexuality is mostly about sex. To be honest I don’t think I can ever have sex with another female, but when I see groups of activists, a lot of the time all they talk about is sex and I was really disgusted. No wonder why heterosexual people find us abnormal! I don’t like people who over-do their sexuality. Keep it to yourself! I want you to know also that I am not generalising because actually I am very fond of the efforts most gay rights activists are doing I just do not agree with the manner in which some people are homosexuals in, where only sex counts or where they want to be so gay that they dress like women. For me that’s not very normal either. There are limits. We don’t want to be portrayed as freaks. This is a controversial point and I fight about it with homosexuals all the time.
Q. What change would you like to see in the future?
A. I definitely want to see people to open their minds and accept humans in all their colors, preferences and forms. I want to be able to introduce my girlfriend without being humiliated. Being gay doesn’t make me any less of a Muslim or an Arab. It doesn’t make me less capable of thinking of completing challenging tasks but people honestly consider this to be a mental disability. Some companies will kick you out immediately if they find out you are gay. The religious people associate it with Americanisation or Westernisation which is very funny because this is a preference and it has existed long long LONG before we were ever experiencing the effects of American or Western culture on ours. It’s a biological and psychological thing. It’s built in. No one can change it, and no one can really create it, especially not the influence of some other culture.
Q. When and how did you find out you were a homosexual?
A. I knew I was gay from the start, from as long as I gained awareness of things like romance and love I never looked at a man. I knew it wasn’t normal but I wanted it to be. I feel like my life would be emotionally safer if I got the chance to fall in love with the woman of my choice rather than having to find a man to fulfill my relationship needs. People please their societies and families first, they rarely ever think of themselves. I did that for a long time too but at some point I said, I’m only going to live once. Better now than never. I miss my family a lot and I hope they will forgive me for being this way, I never chose it. Sometimes I feel like god chose this path for me just to test my faith. I am very honest when I say I can’t just switch my life and preferences. You can’t change who you are. For some people it is a choice but for many others it’s just the way they work.
Q. Do you fit the stereotype we often place on gays?
A. Not at all, and this is true for most gay people. There are very few people there who are very obviously gay, and with the guys it is even more obvious because they are feminine and some of them even go too far (cross dressing, full make up, etc.) The last thing you will think of when you see me is “she’s gay,” style is important to me and I love being a woman. I take good care of myself. People think of homosexual women and they think about women wearing very manly clothes and with a boy cut or a shaved head, but I meet so many gay women who are not at all this way. They are very feminine and I think for some of them they think if they act or dress differently they might be obvious. Homosexuality is a secret for most homosexuals, remember that. I am sure there are thousands like me across the Middle East who wouldn’t dare to speak or announce these hidden feelings and fantasies to anyone. And I don’t encourage them to, I lost my family. Others lose their lives.
Thanks a lot for your time.
No problem. 
Join the Conversation
Esra’a-
That was well done.
Now if you could only get your politics correct…we could get on with the marriage and your dad could score the 3 camels, 2 goats and a the donkey.
Really nice post!
I twittered, delicioused, blogged and social-webbed it like it has never been social-webbed before!
Anyhow, I do respect her views and admire her courage. But I do have my reservations concerning some of her views about gay-rights activists and “acting normal”.
But I’ll get back to that soon (hopefully this week)
Homosexuality creates a moral problem in, at least, the Western traditions that I am familiar with.
Within the Judeo-Christian, it is clearly seen as sin (e.g. Lev. 18-22 or was it 22-18). I don’t know the Koranic stand on it…but I have a guess…
Yet…I have, met religious homosexuals and homosexuals that have held positions such as priests, nuns, and ministers. Haven’t meet a gay rabbi yet…or hmm..maybe I have……………….
To me, especially with many of the male homosexuals I have met…this was not a sexual attraction of choice (sexual attraction is not a choice or the most part, you just realize certain things yank your chain…like you Fatima my desire…how I long to share something kosher (and halal for that matter) with you. I do know some women who have conciously choosen it…and I did work in a prision…but that is a different matter.
So how do we deal with this…exegsis? More Talmudic, Hadithic, Canonic smoke and mirrors?
Frankly…for me…and I consider myself religious…I accept homosexuals, particularly those who from the day they felt that first “twinge” knew they were different. I have to say…I just don’t accept what the Torah has to say about this, I just don’t.
Now some of the “Lesbian” behavior that has become hip and fade-like…I hate it and do think it is wrong…but I certainly would not be passing laws against it or punishing folk for it.
My heart goes out to this Syrian woman whose words seem to carry an ethos and pathos and a real genuineness to them…God bless and protect her, but do stay away from the crewcuts please
.
Youssef, thanks for spreading the word! I don’t think we hear from homosexuals in the Middle East much, mostly due to fear.
For me the highlight of this article is -
“I find myself accepted in this faith … yet not by other Muslims.”
Which I think is supported by Howie’s post -
Now when it comes to priests there’s only one thing I disagree with, and that’s taking advantage of a high-ranking position to molest little boys, a case that many priests have been accused and found guilty of. There are Imams who are the same way too, although certain Imams are associated with paedophilia.
Anyways, that’s besides the point. My main argument here is that no one has the right to say who’s going to heaven or hell based on their sexual preferences – like Lina said this is a personal choice which no one should be making for you. It’s between you and God.
Esra’a-
“like Lina said this is a personal choice”
You might be surprised at how many homosexuals would argue that it was NOT a choice…especially the guys.
About your priest comments…certainly it is obvious that some homosexual pediphiles found there way into the priesthood (and Boy Scouts, and Little League etc.), but most homosexuals do not molest kids. But that is besides the point.
It was still an excellent interview and it would be very interesting to hear gay people weigh in on this.
No wiseass…no snarky’s about me making the most comments here…”hey Howie, overcompensating for something?”
Errr not this argument again… IT’S NOT A FREAKING CHOICE.
Pedophilia has nothing to do with homosexuality. Pedophilia is a human thing.
Both of you misunderstood.
I didn’t say homosexuality is a choice. Nor did Lina – read the interview again, she emphasized this more than once. In the comment I meant being a homosexual as a MUSLIM is a choice – and it most certainly is. I should have clarified.
As for paedophilia, I’ll have you know that there are certain homosexuals (especially the religious ones) who only act upon it by raping young boys, and local stories of Imams and priests proves it. It’s not accepted within society, so boys get abused rather than the Imams getting their sexual needs fulfilled from other “grown men” who want it wilingly. I didn’t say it comes naturally with homosexuality – I said it’s an abuse of power, read carefully guys. In closed societies, where homosexuals are ridiculed and seriously frowned upon, people act upon it in different ways, and those in higher positions take advantage of their powers by acting upon it through rape and violence. I am NOT – emphasis on the NOT – saying this comes with “natural” homosexual urges. I’m saying it happens. I’ve seen it happen and I know it happens. A friend of the family’s had their 5 year old raped by an Imam, so don’t tell me we don’t have this problem. We do and it’s huge and it’s getting bigger.
Furthermore, I don’t think I need to remind you what happens in prison. Men get raped by other men, that’s another abuse of power. A lot of the time, it is the police officers themselves comitting these acts. It is no different in Islamic prisons, I know people with personal experience who can tell you that. In situations like these, it’s not about sexual needs, it’s about power. People abuse it through violent means, and in certain cases through homosexual urges.
I would fully understand this sentence, esp. at the middle east…. WHY sometimes its not a choice…… basically due to lack of women/men… look at KSA for an example …. alot of things are going under the table …
Ill tell you a small story, back the the 70s, my dad was talking to a bunch of students in the prague about the middle east and about Jordan, basicaly they were talking about gay rights and all sort of stuff …. one of the students asked me dad: what about gay rights at the middle east? my dad said: hmmm (probably didnt know what gay rights mean at that time)
and then he said: we have ppl who actually f— donkeys and chicken.
the students laughed, thinking it was a joke, but it WASNT.
Esra’a, homosexuals are humans also. Just like how a hetero would rape if he/she had the chance and can’t control him/herself, a homo would do the same under the same situation. Like I said before, it’s a human thing. It doesn’t matter what your sexuality is.
People need to control themselves and laws should be created to protect the victims and punish the criminals (not th other way around like in many ME countries) who commit these acts, but in the Middle East, this happening is… bla… not gona happen any time soon… do something about it if you want a good future.
Jina, you are missing the point here.
I’m talking about RELIGION and homosexuality, and the people comitting these crimes are the ones declaring homosexuality as a SIN. I’m also specifically talking about this taking place in locked up societies where homosexuality is considered a taboo topic, and thus rarely do you ever get coverage about gay rights in the Middle East or gays in general. This repression is what may lead to these acts happening in ‘secret’ (i.e, rape and sexual abuse in prisons or anywhere behind closed doors.)
Really? I thought they were rodents.
Like most things in life…this story is even more complicated than you might think.
Paraphilias…deviant sexual practices (that is the generic term..meaning deviates from the norm) seem to come in “clusters”. For what it is worth, research seems to point out that once that line is crossed…there seems to be a clear tendency to engage in several deviant sexual behaviors.
All three of you have points…many cases seem to be without choice, but there clearly are cases where homosexual behavior clearly IS a choice; single sex schools, prison etc. and Bashar…yes I have heard the same stories. I have known women who became frustrated with their relationships with men and CHOSE homosexuality.
Esra’a…with the predators…this is where statistics get tricky. I agree that lots of these guys end up in jobs like priesthood etc. But you could easily argue that is is the very deviant among homosexuals who seek these kinds of positions out so they can act out.
It is not nearly as simple as Jina has tried to assert here…and then there is the whole issue of how sexuality is more of a “spectrum” behavior as opposed to either or (I am on the farthest end of the masculinity aspect of the spectrum…just so you all know)…Even bi-sexuality does not really explain it…because there are many cases of people who occasionally “switch” regularly switch..very irregular switch etc.
I am an expert on human sexuality I will have you know…and they came from not only a great deal of study…but a lot of time alone practicing.
I think when it comes to young people, I won’t rule out the fact that many of them are at the “experimenting” stage, where things like homosexuality plays a role. I know many young men and women, a lot of whom were my own friends, who aren’t homosexual at all but have had homosexual experiences in the past.
By the way, I think what Jina was trying to say is that homosexuals, just like heterosexuals, commit rape and sexual crimes as well, but there’s nothing ‘homosexual’ about it. Which is accurate. But I don’t think that’s of any relevance here because I find it quite alarming how many religious leaders are committing these errors, so my argument is that certian people, ironically those who dismiss homosexuality as a religious sin, are abusing their power to fulfill their sexual needs… and a lot of the time their sexual needs are fulfilled through homosexual experiences. I’m not saying all priests and Imams are homosexuals, so please, no one should accuse me of that. This is just a social observation. I come from a place where at least 3 Imams have been caught in the act, so you should understand how I drew that conclusion.
I noticed that some confuse homosexuality with homosexual behavio(u)r
Homosexuality is not a choice, homosexual behavio(u)r is.
Homosexuality equals homos. behaviour, homos. behaviour doesn’t equal homosexuality.
But I don’t think that this is of any relevance here. The main discussion point should be LGBT-rights and the perception of it by LGBT arabs.
Not every topic about LGBT-stuff should end up in a discussion about whether it is a choice or not.
the gay godwin’s law:P
Yousef-
Well…If you wan to simplify…in totalitarian, and especially theorcratic environments (one the other or both include most Muslim countries) what form of deviance IS tolerated, whether it be sexual, religious, idea, art, speech etc.
So in answer to the second and more important part of your post…yes from what I hear…homosexuals…like others who “deviate” are treated terribly in the Arab/Muslim world.
I also agree with Esra’a last comment. Actually, I don’t think any of us are very far apart on this topic…just a good health mature discussion:
[Edit]
Howie,
I edited the last part of your comment. It is very inappropriate. Please take this discussion seriously.
Esra’a-
“Please take this discussion seriously.”
MOI!!!! Not serious…me?
I’m hurt…this pains me.
Esra’a–
Oh..an ain’t it just like an Arab to repress a Jew from free expression…especially with all my hard work, sincerity and maturity.
This is censorship…this is racism at its very worse…this is anti-semitsim…totalitarianism…
Why not just lock me back in the ghetto eh?
Okay, going back to the argument at hand now.
Youssef, I think it’s really interesting when homosexuals argue amongst each other when it comes to how they should act. I know that some of my homosexual friends say that they’re not widely accepted by other homosexuals because they’re “just not homosexual enough,” as they claim. By that they mean that certain gay rights activists take the “in your face” approach while others like to be less loud and noisy. Some homosexuals completely isolate themselves, too, and only hang out with gay people, attend gay parties, etc, which is what makes the gap between homosexuals and heterosexuals sometimes bigger.
Like how many magazines do you see in the region where there is a section for homosexuality, even in the most liberal newsletters or blogs? It always has to be a seperate thing. And I wish the two would be combined, because it would help gays to be accepted as average human beings who are neither mentally ill nor sinners. They’re people with rights, and these rights must be recognized in the media. They shouldn’t isolate themselves or accept the fact that they are isolated. Lina is working on several projects now that target this issue, I hope she will join us here soon to talk about it, but what many gay rights activists in the region do is start up magazines or forums like Helem, specifically for homosexuality, when it would be more helpful to target all people. I think they would be much more appreciated and represented if this was the case, and even heterosexuals would start fighting for their rights.
Esra’a,
Gays who want other gays to act more “normal” or “properly” in order to not confront heterosexuals or to make the “gap” smaller, are what I like to call crypto-homophobes.
They don’t fully understand what the acception is about
Acception doesn’t mean that homosexuals have to adapt to the heterosexual perception of homosexuality.
When we ask of homosexuals to be “normal” in order to be accepted, we’re never going to be accepted at all. We just adjust in order to “survive”
About the isolation. I dont think that there is an isolation. Most gay-outlets (magazines for example) exist because of the market-value. The “gay-market” has proven to be a very profitable one.
Besides that, some gay-issues wont never be addressed in straight-outlets. Therefore creating a need for gay-outlets. Having your own magazines, shops, clubs, bars, tv-stations doesnt mean that you isolate yourself. Instead, it means that you’re not afraid to show who you are and to whom you also belong to.
There is nothing wrong with that. It’s like saying that women shouldn’t isolate themselves by reading Vogue, Cosmo or buying their clothes at shops with only woman clothes. That would sound ridiculous right?
So far, I have talked about typical issues in the West. What I just mentioned about isolation/outlets etc etc are typical Western issues at the moment.
In the Middle East its a total different story.
Gays there shouldn’t even think about these issues. Gays in the ME are invisible, they have to make themselves visible by having their own outlets. Thats how it happened in Europe. Gays made themselves visible and accepted by having their own outlets and shouting out that they’re gay.
Going soft and trying to “merge” with the majority will lead you nowhere.
noooooooooo
I just posted a whole reply and now it’s gone….
, cuz its Desperate Housewives-time here in the UK.
So I guess you have to wait
You’re right, but what about the gays who WANT their views to be expressed in those magazines and they’re not getting their right to? It’s a big issue. In the Gulf you will know the significance of it, the gays really want an outlet to express themselves and if they own their own outlet, they will be targeted for it (that means people are going to want to kill them.)
In more liberal places like Lebanon they already do but do you think homosexuals in Saudi or Yemen would be able to get their own outlets? It’s practically impossible, and if they did it, they’d be suicidal. They will be imprisoned if not killed.
Like Lina said, coming out would also mean you’re risking too much. You can’t make one BIG appearance – you need to take it slow. Not everyone is willing to lose their lives or families over this. You start with targeting the mass media and then slowly gain your own outlets where people start respecting and tolerating you. You can’t just own a magazine for gays and expect not to be humiliated or targeted for it – this isn’t Sweden.
Esra’a
The history of LGBT-activism is full of sacrifices, arrests, murders, imprisonment, harassment etc.
Even the LGBT-history in Europe. (and in Poland its still common nowadays, with a really homophobic parliament and president)
I know that a lot of people aren’t willing/ready to lose their lives or families. But some are. And those people are the ones who fight for the rights of the others. Thats how activism works.
We shouldn’t forget that. When you’re trying to get accepted, you have to realise that you will endanger yourself and others. Sad but true
It isn’t just one big appearance you make, you’re right. Even I started it very slow but a sudden moment you have to make that big appearance (on a personal level I mean). Same goes for on anon-personal level.
Otherwise you’ll still be neglected and ignored.
I get the idea that arab gay-activists copy the modern-day activism of western gay-activists. But they don’t realize that modern-day activism (the quiet, slow, “we’re ready now” type) in the West evolved from another kind of activism (the shouty, “I’m here I’m queer” type).
We cant just copy the modern-day activism and skip the one it evolved from.
That won’t work
To me…this entire conversation is just a metaphor for the problem of lack of freedom in much of the Muslim world…Can people, in general, sing what they want, dress how they wish, watch what they want, drink what they want and on and on and on.
Should we have more sympathy for a gay person than say a painter or just some poor shmuck couch potato that wants to blur his life away with a satillite TV? I will never forget the story of some poor Flipino guy that got caught with a porno. in Saudia and was put in prison for a year and flogged every Friday. Geez…
I think it’s great how you’re totally O.K. with being a homosexual because I’m very supportive of homosexualy. I still think it’s wrong for a persons parents to kick them out of their house just because someone is different. I hope in the future things will change…
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just by submitting this unintelligently disrespectful post, howie, you have lost any credibility you had. I am surprised anyone bothered arguing with you
Fortunately Howie is no longer with us, he was indeed an abusive character.
hey,
i think i am a lil a lot late in replying to this wonderful post, but its just until that i came through it while surfing the net.
i am a 22 year old lesbian from syria, i dealt or misdelt with my sexuality during school and high school here, and i couldnt live it or feel it until i actually lived in lebanon for a couple of years to study psychology.
now that i am back, i am frustrated in the matter of making a change, we need a radical change, i am willing to do anything to change the situation here and i dont know…i worked for a while with Helem in beirut and some other gay rights organisations but i cant seem to be even approaching to the goal which is make a change HERE in syria…
i am one person, i cant do much, i met some gay ppl here, but not much of them are wittling to help make this change or start a little something…anything…
if you have any ideas, any contacts any recommendations…
will be greatly appreciated
Peace
Hi
I liked this article..
I am totally gay and I have a gf both from Syria, we are so inlove and we are planing to get married and we’ve been together for a long time now .. we are christian both.. and both very committed to our christianity and very well educated and reaching good positions at work and we have alot of friends and people know about us. so I don’t think religion , education , background.. etc. are related in anyway to sexual orientation. But they could affect one to chose homosexuality as “sex” because of the absent of the opportunity to have sex with other gender, or the opposite sometimes homosexual people chosing to act straight to keep track with society culture.
Now as an answer for what Lina is saying that most homosexuals are about sex.. well I see that mostly happens when someone is chosing homosexuality to satisfy their sexual needs as the other gender is absent as I said before..
Me and my gf have too many lesbian and gay friends and we’ve been living in a similar society , there is studd women who really like acting like boys because of some hormons .. and others are too feminen , that’s reality wether we like it or not..
I am not against those who likes to act as women or lesbians who are butchy ..
I am not studd neither feminin myself.. i’m just on the average side..
There are gays funded with sex yes.. but there is a similar quantity of streights funded with sex! that’s another life facts.. that has nothing to do with being gay..
More for family issues.. you know I lost my family for a different reason once and they got back to me again .. and hope you will meet yours as well, I know how bad it feels. I’m sorry.
Best Regards,