Reply to a Syrian homosexual
Dear Lina,
I read the interview you had with Esra’a from Mideast Youth a couple of times. And every time I read it, I had mixed feelings.
First of all, I want to say “well done!” and I admire you. It takes a lot of courage and strength to come out as an Arab homosexual. Especially when you still live in the Arab world.
You risked your (social) life to be yourself and free. I can only applaud that.
But as I said, I had mixed feelings when I read your interview. Disappointment, sadness and confusion were those other feelings. Don’t take the following as an attack. You can say and believe whatever you want. But I just want to show you some contradicting comments/remarks you made.
You seem to take a very harsh stance towards other gays who encounter the same prejudices you encounter in your daily life.
You say you don’t agree with homosexuals who like to cross-dress and you even qualify it as “not very normal”
You clearly still fight against the concept of “normal” that is enforced by religious and conservative maniacs but in the meantime you, the “victim” of prejudice, turned into an aggressor by stating that there are limits of what is to be considered normal for gays!
Can’t you see that you’re making the same basic mistake as those religious/conservative maniacs? You’re, in a way, siding with them by saying that what cross-dressers/feminine gays do is not normal. Those maniacs want to enforce their own limits of normal, which they base on their own irrelevant feelings and fairy tales, to create an atmosphere where people are the same without room for any diversity.
You’re trying to do that as well. You’re trying to use your own concept of what you consider to be “a normal gay” to decide what is “good” and what is “bad” gay-activism.
You say that you “want to see people to open their minds and accept humans in all their colors, preferences and forms.”
Shouldn’t start with opening your own mind and accept other kind of gays?
We will never see a less homophobic Middle East if we keep on battling amongst ourselves on what is normal and what not.
Another point of critique is about your last comment. You don’t encourage other Arab gays to come out because you lost your family and others lose their lives.
First, let me tell you that we kind of share the same story. I too got rejected and kicked out of my family house when I came out. I too found a caring family that treats me as their own.
They protected me from the harassment and threats from my own family. And now their funding my education in a foreign country.
But eventually I’m happy with how things went. I’m free and independent to explore and dictate my own course of life.
It is of course a horrible feeling to live without your own family but that is the price we pay.
I encourage other Arab gays to come out as well. We should realize that we will never get accepted if we stay in the closet because of fear.
Coming out is the first step in the whole process of being accepted by our society.
Our stories (of the ones who did have the guts to come out) should be an encouragement for others to come out.
We are the proof that it is possible to be gay, Arab, muslim and alive.
Join the Conversation
Well, I’m not Lina and I’m not speaking for Lina but I’d like to chip in – I’m not sure if you know this, but certain gays wear full make up and walk around in high heels and dresses even in the Arab world, I remember a big article on 2 Kuwaiti gays who did this, and who actually wanted to get married. That’s about the same time that Arab states began putting an emphasis on homosexuality and especially gay marriage being “illegal.”
Now, homosexuality is one thing of course and like you said the homosexual behavior is another, but cross-dressing… This is against what many of us consider “norms” and anything against societal norms is considered “abnormal.” That still doesn’t qualify them as mental, but when you see a man walking around in a dress, speaking intentionally in a high tone voice and insisting that he is a woman, that’s not normal, by definition.
You’re thinking of what SHOULD be normal, perhaps, not what is or isn’t actually normal. And there’s a huge difference, I think, between what’s really accepted and what we would like to be accepted.
This is why we have words like “unique” and “weird” or “out of the ordinary.” We refer to these words when certain people think and behave differently, and “different” isn’t “normal.” We can’t deny that cross-dressing is different. Most people don’t do it. Even in the most liberal countries where you are more likely to see this, like in the U.S. Some consider it weird, others consider it unique and interesting, many just call it crazy. None of these things quality as “normal.” The better reaction would be “do whatever the hell you want just as long as you harm me” but unfortunately this is considered so abnormal that many of them are targeted. I read a lot about cross-dressing gays being targeted with violent intentions in the U.S, I can only imagine how they would be treated in the Arab and Muslim world.
As for the rest of your post, excellent. I like your confidence and the faith you have in yourself, always stand up for your rights and your values. You will receive mockery and criticism but stay alive and stay strong. I appreciate anyone who risks their lives just to prove who they are. Both you and Lina are amazing people and I’ll support you 100% of the way.
When it comes to issues of sexuality, we need to do a better job of building loving relationships regardless of our orientation/identity. One way we can do this is throguh humor. Check out my latest post – “I’m OK, You’re All Gay” & you’ll understand what I mean.
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I just want to say I applaud you! Be the change you want to see in the world. I know in the U.S. that some of the older Generations and persons in rural areas are still not keen on the idea of homosexuality or cross dressing. However people here have been coming out of the closet. Of course people think things are weird when they don’t see something that often. That is the only thing that makes it abnormal in those areas and with the older generations. I’m not gay myself but had been invited to a drag show. I had the time of my life and the only thing disturbing was that those guys could walk in heels better then me. It made me jealous.lol.
Once again I applaud you!