The Gay, the Gay & the Transsexual: 3 New Words Learnt, New Perspective Gained

NOTE: Contained here within this post are my personal thoughts and opinions. I honestly don’t mean to offend anybody with what I’m about to say. I don’t have the intention to. This is Drima just being Drima. Enjoy! Your comments are welcome.

Sudanese Culture, Homosexuality & My Personal Opinion

In Sudanese culture, homosexuality is a big gigantic red no and is regarded as a pretty huge crime. It is not tolerated at all. If any man dared to walk down the streets of Khartoum advertising the fact that he’s gay or even slightly feminine, he would most certainly get beaten up. Yeah, I mean like literally beaten up, as in smacked in the face, punched in the nose, kicked in the stomach and thrown with a few bricks. He’ll probably get killed! (Hell, even the simple act of shaving your moustache in Sudan is considered something totally unmanly)!

I don’t regard homosexuality as something normal and I don’t think it should be “normalized.” As offensive as that statement may sound to some people, I don’t intend for it to be so. I really don’t. Vagina + Penis = Baby. That’s how it’s intended to be. The norm is attraction between male and female. Penis and penis aren’t the norm and while the naughty guy in me may fantasize about the idea of vagina and vagina, I also believe that it’s not the norm. The 2 purposes of sex are procreation and enjoyment. Homosexual sex can result in enjoyment but it won’t result in procreation. Maybe that’s why homosexuality is regarded as a major sin in many religions. If today we all turned homosexual, the existence of the human race will eventually come to an end.

Now I understand that some of you have trouble reading the above. It might seem too simplistic to you but it isn’t to me. Sure, homosexuality is something that exists in the animal kingdom but so what? We’re different from animals. We’re different because we were blessed with conscience, the freedom to do right or wrong and the freedom to think freely. I’m sure Darwin and Richard Dawkins would super disagree with me though.

There might be another reason some of you have trouble with my opinion. If I’m saying that homosexuality isn’t the norm, then wouldn’t that imply I think gays are abnormal? The answer is yes. Allow me to elaborate but before I do please keep in mind that I’m not using the word “abnormal” in a derogatory sense (at least not in most cases).

The Causes of Homosexuality: Nature, Nurture or Both?

There doesn’t seem to be a clear answer. Some researchers point towards nurture, some towards nature and others point towards both. Personally I don’t know. I’m not a scientist but I am open to arguments from the nature perspective. My stance is lenient towards people who have an odd sexuality that occured as a result of nature.

You can’t really blame them for being that way can you? I can’t. If they were born that way then it’s not their fault now is it? Some gay men claim that since they were little kids, they’ve always known that they didn’t like girls. Others claim that they’re women stuck inside men’s bodies. How can you explain that? Does it have to do with some kind of hormonal unbalance? I don’t really know and that’s why I remain very open to scientific arguments from the nature perspective. Not so long ago hermaphrodites were treated like outcasts in society. They were looked down upon and were considered abnormal (in a derogatory sense). I’m absolutely against that. Sure, their condition is an abnormality. A baby is supposed to be born with 10 fingers and 10 toes but it is simply wrong to outcast a baby born with 9 fingers and 23 toes. The analogy might not be completely accurate but I hope you get the idea.

According to research from the nurture perspective, some people turn gay due to unfortunate childhood experiences which include sexual abuse. I am quite open to such ideas but not as open as I am to arguments from the nature perspective. Sure, getting sexually harassed during childhood is a very nasty experience but it doesn’t mean it’s an excuse to turn gay. Not all men who get locked up in jail for many years turn gay. Only some do.

There are some cases however whereby nurture “arguments” will do nothing to change my mind. Example? I know a guy who turned gay about a year and a half ago. The reason? He got dumped for the third time in a row by a girl he was deeply and madly in love with. What a pathetic reason, absolutely pathetic. Now that’s what I’ll refer to as abnormal in a derogatory sense.

Some Essential Background

Amongst my close friends, making fun or being hateful towards other people’s religions is something unacceptable (Scientology is an exception). Racism is also something generally unacceptable although a minority of close friends could be classified as mild racists and a few others (2 actually) as unfortunately super racists (you know, the kind who believe that a good Jew, or at least a “media shaped” good Jew is a dead Jew). However there’s one thing that’s generally quite “acceptable” and that’s making fun of gay people and using terms like “faggots” to describe them. Yup, you read that right.

All of us haven’t really had any “pleasant” encounters with gay people or transsexuals. In fact the only gay/transsexual people we bumped into, or that bumped into us, have always been the really loud obnoxious annoying type, that love to make freaky comments such as pointing at me or one of my friends and shouting in their “feminine wannabe” voices “oh my God, you’re so cute.” My immediate reaction would always be “yuck! Damn you, stop harassing us, you freaky abnormal weirdoes”. What’s worse is when the transsexuals try to approach. Good thing they back off. Oh thank the Lord they always do, otherwise I swear I’ll end up beating one of them in these coming days and I might actually break his (her?) neck. Okay maybe I won’t but you get the idea.

As you can imagine, we developed a wonderful hostility towards gay and transsexual people. Or to be more accurate, most of us didn’t develop any hostility at all, we simply enhanced it further (way further), given the fact that we came from cultural backgrounds which regard homosexuality as something absolutely unacceptable and forbidden.

The Incident

Last week’s Sunday night was pretty unique for one main reason. (No, I didn’t get drunk and find myself in the morning in bed with a gay dude. Oh no, thanks but no thanks. Drima is straight, very straight. In fact he’s as straight as an arrow. He also doesn’t drink). Here’s what happened. Last week’s Sunday night K, a new friend of mine brought me along to his friend’s party where I ended up having an interesting conversation with 2 gay dudes and one transsexual. All three are fashion designers.

I was extremely uncomfortable in the beginning and felt like cursing my friend but I convinced myself to remain respectful since I was a guest. At first, I conversed with everyone except the transsexual. After a while, the party got going when the host started blasting some really good old school hip hop music. Eventually we all conversed, laughed and joked around until I completely forgot the fact that 2 of the guys were gay and one was a transsexual. It didn’t bother me much anymore. Unlike previous cases, they didn’t try to hit on me and they didn’t make any flirtatious moves which was obviously a very good thing. As a result, I learned three new fashion words. Cetour, retro and bohemian (did I spell them right?). Moreover I started thinking and I gained a new perspective.

You’ve got 2 persons:

a) A guy who’s straight but steals money from friends, doesn’t give to charity and is racist.

And

b) A guy who’s gay, is loyal to his friends, gives to a lot to charity and vehemently opposes racism.

As much as you may disagree with it, you can’t simply discredit (b) as immoral simply based on his homosexuality.

Having spent some of my childhood in conservative Qatar, I never one day thought I would have atheist friends. Some of the coolest and nicest people I’ve gotten to know since then are atheists. I remain in contact with most of them.

Having been exposed to only crazy annoying gays and transsexuals, I never thought that one day I’d actually have a decent and enjoyable conversation with any of them.

PS: Which public toilets do transsexuals use? I’ve always wondered. Women’s or men’s? Oh ya and strangely I have 2 friends who are bisexual. They’re both girls!