Single women.. a problem!
I just read an article that pissed me off about the increase in number of single Saudi women in Saudi Arabia which has reached about 150,0000 out of 20,000,000 Saudi women as mentioned in Alarabia.
They relate this problem to women being more independent,demanding,wanting to have careers, the expensive life style Saudi people lead and the increase in the number of female population.
Saudi men are willing to sacrifice themselves for these poor women by marrying more than one (up to 4) to be able to cover the whole female population, God bless their souls!
I mean really!! is this the only solution they could come up with? This is a typical chauvinistic, male dominating solution!! Did they
actually study the causes preventing Saudi women from getting married?
Could it be that Saudi women are limited to marrying certain family names or tribes within the Saudi community?
The Saudi society is classified into categories; there is the Sunni and Shiite. It is well known that we do not cross this line, Sunnis
marry Sunnis and Shiites marry Shiites.
There is another more complicated category which is within the Sunni group. There are the tribal group (gabely) who originate from well known tribes going back to the days before Islam and there are the none tribal group (khadery) who as they say here in Saudi Arabia they have no known origin or tribe, some even say that their ancestors were slaves hundreds of years ago, now the third group are from Hijaz (western province) most of their ancestors were originally merchants from neighboring countries who moved to Hijaz many years ago.
Now here comes the weird part, The tribal group (gabely) can only marry within the gabely group. The Khadery and Hijazy groups usually stick to their own but they are open to marrying from one another!
Recently, a story made headlines about a couple who have been married for several years and had children who were forcefully divorced by the woman’s brothers after the death of their father who gave his blessings to their marriage in his life time.
The reason behind the forced divorce was the brothers believed the husband was a khadery (non-tribe) while they were from a well known tribe!
Shockingly the judicial system allowed their seperation, the woman was put in jail because she refused to stay with her brothers and would only return to her beloved husband while her husband was pleading the media and authority to help them bring their family back together.
A few other stories similar to this one followed like the 27 year old Saudi physician who married a Saudi man in Bahrain due to the refusal of her father but the moment she got back, her father had her husband arrested while she was seven months pregnant and they forced them to divorce.
These are some stories that made it to the local news and media, I am sure there are many silent ones. It is shocking how people think here, they would tear up a whole family and destroy lives just for a name! a tribe! Stupid isn’t it? and they are still wondering why women are not getting married these days!
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I honestly don’t get this. We are in the year 2007 now, and this mentality still exists. Here in Bahrain we call it the “bedoin mentality…” what hope do Saudi youth have if they still have to deal with this? Some people blame it on poverty… it’s not poverty at all… some of the richest Saudi families are still guilty of this. Seriously it’s a shame.
“We are in the year 2007 now…” Yes but what year is Islam in? The prophet Mohammed quoted the word of Allah in the Koran in whatever year he did, and if I interpret Islam correctly, that is the last word. Seems rather stagnant to me.
The Dubai-based Khaleej Times (16 May 2007) has an interesting article entitled Single women to face eviction threat about Dubai Municipality enforcing landlords to evict single woman from their homes.If the landlord fails to so,Dubai Electricity and Water Authority (Dewa) steps in and cuts off power supply after a seven-day notice.
Of course the majority of people living and working in Dubai are not Arab,but Asian
Rancher, Islam has absolutely nothing to do with this. This is tribalism, something cultural and traditional rather than religious.
Rancher, I was talking about tribalism as Esra’a mentioned. I was trying to make a point that what they are doing here in Saudi Arabia has nothing to do with Islam.
Tribalism has been present for decades since the time of ignorance (Jahelia) before Islam started. Actually our religion does not differentiate between tribes, nationalities or different cultures. Islam stands clearly against racism!
Ah, my mistake, point taken.
Dear Rasha,
I am very much surprised that Islam born & raised here in Saudi Arabi and Prophet Mohammad (Peace be upon him) also said in his last sermon that ‘All are equal, regardless of Ajmee or Arabi, no one has proirity on each other. But why Saudis are still leaving in he era of Jahlia (Ignorance) ? and treating each other and foreigners (working in Saudia) with biasism.
May be my comment is out of context of this blog, but followings always irritate my mind ?
Why still tribal status is above & voilating the Islamic teachings ?
Why 44% marriages are ending in divorce ?
Why Saudi Society is not a accepting & open society ?.
Why after living 30,40 years in Saudi Arabia, despite you are muslim, you are sill foreigners (Alians) ?
Why you not consider others muslims equllay you yourself ?
Why foreigne Muslims can’t marry & own property in Saudi Arabia
Why Saudi religous dept. try to enforce their own brand of Islam on foreigners ?
Why they consider all muslim foreigners are ‘wrong’ and ‘bidatti’ and don’t know about religion ?
Why the religious dept. core focus is ‘bidaah’ ?, why not teaching on tribalism, equalism, giving due salaries to workers, treating foreigners with respect & care.
Lot to write more…….but……..who cares until oil is booming…….
My dear, I am not critisizing you or Saudia. Actually I always wonder on these things ?. Above mentioned things are my own personal experice of Saudi Arabia. I just want to know the reason of these things. Saudi Claim their-self as ‘Country of Humanism’. Just open any search engine and enter “Human Rights voilation in Saudi Arabia/Maid abuse in Saudi Arabia” and count the returns….Why, why, why ?
Despite of strong hold of relgious clerks on people & country why Humans are so much humliated, insulted and harmed in Saudi Arabia ?
I believe the main reasons of above problems are lack of ‘tarbiya’ (proper up-bringing), only focusing on the outfit (shorter thube, longer beard) and visible (ظاهر Ù‰) practices of Islam.
If people born & rasied in the lap & hands of maids, without any tarbiya, then they can’t make a good society. Second if from childhood you are taught that maids, drivers & all foreigners (regardless of their age, education & esperitse) are alians and second class poeple then they will behave same like today.
Education System & religious education should be redefined. Jumma sermons & books should condemn these Un-Islamic ethics & practices of tibalism, Womens driving, Misyaar marriage, biasism. Here in US, once you are a US citizen nobody cares about your origin & religion (before 9/11, still problem is only for Muslims).
I always believe that a single man/women can also bring positive change in Society, no matter how much time it will take. As you are a women & mother, you can bring better and bigger change. I remember once Churchel (former Primeir of UK) said ‘Give me good mother, I will give you good nation’. So as you give good tarbiya to your children, one generation will be change. And slowly, slowly all society will be changed. No matte you are alone now, be the first drop of rain, others drops will also follow you. Make group of womens are discuss, agree and promise with your-self that you will change the society. Very soon everyting will be better…….
Dear Ali,
You are right about all the points you have mentioned about Saudi Arabia, we do have so many problems and sometimes I do feel like nothing will ever change here.
Saudis have a strange way of thinking, they do think they are above all (I am talking in general, there are many exceptions) they think because Makkah is within Saudi Arabia that they are some how better. I agree with you totally, I believe we are all equal and this is Islam’s teaching although a lot don’t act on it here.
Men of God here don’t have manners, they treat women like sheep ( they used to hit women with wooden sticks in the 80′s.. thank god that is over) they still haras us and treat us and foreigners badly because they think they are superior.
Islam is used here superficially alot.. as you mentioned a lot of men here have their beards longer and try to look so holy yet they treat others badly. Islam is not based on prayer and salat only. Islam is the bases of humanity.. of dealing with people.. of respect..
Saudi’s (especially from Najd) have a somehow dry and aggressive attitude towards other races and religions. I hate saying all this about people of my country but it is a day to day struggle.
It is true there is an alarming high number of divorce here, three out of eight of my group of close friends are divorced this needs another blog for me to discuss.
I have seen so many good people who are well educated, have excellent potential and try day to day to make small changes.. at least in their homes with their children as you mentioned.
I am trying to make my own way in this male dominating country, I am doing my masters, working part time and taking care of my lovely son. I try to implement manners and respect in raising my child, I would love for him to be a free thinker, strong, independent and caring individual when he grows up and not to be manipulated by society. Now.. this is my greatest fear.. when my child goes to school he will be open to alot of society’s nonesense and stupid ideas about women, racism..etc.
I thought about trying to leave the country to be able to raise my child in a normal atmosphere (although I don’t have the full choice in that) but I don’t want him to be a foreigner in his own country. I have had this discussion so many times with my friends. We are all well educated and successful females who would just love to leave to have a descent life, but if all well educated Saudi’s who have a lot to offer their country pack and leave for a better life.. who will do the changes? how are things going to get better?
It is a challenge that I and so many like me face in day to day life.. I do have an influence through my work on some youth but it is so hard knowing that you are surrounded by so much ignorance.
Rasha you are seriously amazing and I wish more Arab women were like you. You are an inspiration for me.
My dear, I admire you and many like you too for all the efforts you have put here and for standing for what you believe in knowing that many will disagree with you.
This sounds too corny doesn’t it? I guess it’s ok once in a while
Dear Rasha,
First of all I like to appreciate you for well bringing-up of your son. Bring-up your son in a way that he feel confidence & proud on his parents & their ‘tarbiya’ (up-bringing). The most critical age of any man/women is from 2-7 years of his/her age. What ever he/she has learnt in that age will never be wasted & trashed in any circumstances. And sad to write now days most of the Women’s (especially Saudi’s) spent their time in wondering in shopping malls & other wasteful activities, and child bring up in the hands of maids, TV & computer games. Yea, you are right, you should stay in Saudi Arabia. I think purpose of blogs & discussion should be constructive not just criticism and saying bad to govt. & society. And reformation always starts from our-self, first we need to correct our manner, behavior and children, then other people. Family is the unit of society, if every one of us start focusing on our own home & family I believe very soon reformation will be very fast & strong.
Pls. stay in Saudi Arabia and I believe Saudi Society needs more mothers like you……who can give good manners, hardworking spirit, women-respect, education, open-thinking towards others nationalities & Sects (religions as well). Don’t think that you are one or group of 3,4 friends and how you can fight against these bad ethics. Never forget the Prophet Ibrahim (AS) incident of fire, when King Namrood put Prophet Ibrahim (AS) in fire a small sparrow (العصÙور) bring water in her beak (المنقار) to douse the fire. Think what that small quantity of waters worth’s against that big fire. So, we should not look towards how bigger & longer the mission, rather we should do out part, rest leave on God. Our prays are with you……..
Surprise to know that in the 80’s people beat their women with wooden sticks, (forgetting hadith, ‘Who treat his wife WELL is the best from you’). I just want to know more about it, is it happened in villages only or cities also?, would you pls. update more on it.
Yea, I agree with you people of Najd are more harsh, closed and bad mannered. Some one told me that before 80,100 years, where there was no border, foreigners are not allowed to enter Najd without getting permission. Families are destroying very fast in Saudi Arabia, one of my Saudi female friend told me that 8 out of 10 marriages are ending with divorce. Very soon I will also try to write a blog on it, really its very alarming situation.
Regards,
Ali
Dear Ali,
To answer your question, I did not mean men hitting their wives with sticks, I meant the religious police, the so called (men of God)walking in shops and public areas hitting women who were not properly veild with their thin sticks in the 80′s.
By the way.. is this how others precieve us Saudi women?
That is bad and sad to know
Rasha, that is how many people perceive women in the Gulf… very misleading.
i never been able 2 fully understand da hypocrisy that exists in saudi—saudi males can marry a foreigner even if she is non muslim, but y cant a saudi female at marry a foreign man who is at least a muslim, without permission or any repercussions???
Sameer,
That applies to iran as well, there are some workers and some empoyees of foreign companies from eastern countries in Iran, some times there is a love affiar between them and an Iranian gril, and they would love to marry and the girl’s family approves of that, but the goverment would not agree and it would , sort of threaten the girl to leave the issue,as telling her she would herself lose all the rights of the children as Iranians and so on, even some guys , christians, hindus, because of their love they would like to convert, because this converting thing is just official no one would count the number of proatrations, the government will not agree easily. This is wrong, I don’t think this has to do with religon, this is how men feel toword the men of other country, they feel like cats of the same sex meeting on the roof tops, with arched backs and threatening meows. Gradually things will change, because they two party could marry in a threid country and come back.