The love of my life- a real breakthrough

by Bashar (Jordan)

I have decided to share my love story with all of you people, hoping that you can learn from our (my girlfriend and I) mistake and maybe provide you with a different perspective about how bad things can be! But nevertheless, ones can overcome any hurdles no matter how great they appear.

It all started when I met Salam at Sharm Sheikh (3) years ago, we hang out for about (4) months, then the relationship started, and after (1) we decided to open up the subject with her family, I was ready for it, and we even we started planning for our future and more importantly discussing the little details just like any couple wanting to get married. And so, she told me about her father and how liberal he is and always saying that this decision (marriage) is completely 100% for Salam.

So, I called her father and we agreed to meet at some café in order not to make it so formal as he wished, I started preparing for the meeting and writing down whatever questions he has for me, even unexpected ones.

And there it was, the meeting day. I have to say that I was very calm, a bit excited, I guess because I was confident of my own abilities and characteristics especially when it comes to meeting new people, but it wasn’t just a new person… knowing that he was a Palestinian refugee with no money at all, he created himself from absolutely nothing until he was some big shot general manager of a huge bank.

So I came to the café, I saw him and recognized him, I approached him and he greeted my like his own son, I talked about some unrelated matter, a positive one, I just don’t recall that now, then the interview started, it wasn’t really formal, I mean If I put myself in his shoes I would’ve asked a similar questions, like my background, my family, what did I study and when I graduated, where I work at? Whats my future plans? Where do I see myself in the future ? …etc then he asked me some unexpected questions like:

What do you think of women working ? what is religion to you ? what do you think of drinking? P.S: he wasn’t religious at all, and I think I managed to answer all the questions with an open-ended answers, such as working is an important part of life, even for women as it really can bring a real value for women by interacting with different people and handling all sort of problems, and such as I don’t have any problem with somebody drinking as long as it is a personal choice, as long as it doesn’t harm me then I’m ok about it.

In a way I felt I was applying for some Job, the meeting lasted for (3) hours and ended up with him saying you have to meet her (Salam) mother and brothers, hopefully soon. I have to say I felt great, I was honest, sometimes VERY HONEST some would view that a mistake but I would say I stand up for my own principles and one of them is honesty.

I called Salam and she almost broke in tears, feeling that there was a huge burden on her shoulders being taken off!!!
The very next day, there was a total shift in mood, her fathered wanted to have her brother to meet me and maybe provide a different opinion about me, So I met her brother and right from the start I knew where we are heading, It is rejecting me. And at the end of the meeting I looked him in the eye and said “by hook or crook I will get her, but without causing any harm for anybody”, maybe her brother thought I was just taken by the moment and being very frustrated and angry, but I absolutely meant every word I said.

Then her father requested not to contact me until he makes a final decision about me!! Of course she didn’t do that, simple we love each other in all the meaning the word LOVE entails.

After a week, he called me and said politely “Mafi Naseeb 3ami” I replied “thanks a lot 3ami”, to tell you the truth, I was up to any NO answer, not just I expected it but simply because I believe not everything comes easy, but as for Salam, it was so devastating, she couldn’t cope with it and she almost fainted. At that stage my role was to be supportive and sometimes very supportive, to tell you the truth its not easy to see your loved one cries and burst into tears almost all the time, but hey my girl is strong, its just another hurdle, isn’t it. Again, my primary role was to be supportive, but that isn’t easy, I mean you also need support, I guess the reason I managed it well because I tend to encourage myself by myself, most of the times I don’t want people to encourage me!

This lasted for at least 4-5 months, and I’m not gonna moan about anything, I’m strong enough to take it but not the strongest man on earth, I had a point where I could’ve taken some wrong decisions but I felt I’m deviating from the track, I had a plan and I’m willing to do whatever it take to be in a position where I want my self to be.

The reasons for rejecting me according to her father was the following:

1- I failed for 2 years in university and that isn’t a good indicator
2- Both families have a different background and most likely wont mingle well.
3- Career wise: I was in firm that directly works with the Iraqi army and he didn’t like that at all, plus I was new at my job (less than 3 months)
4- Social standard: my family is a middle class family while her is a rich family so its not really compatible.
5- Jordanian-Palestinian identity: I was Jordanian-Jordanian, she was Jordanian –Palestinian
6- Most importantly I’m not even close to his own standards, being her only daughter, he had high hopes and high standards of any future husband

The list is not over, and the story has a lot of details that I didn’t talk about maybe because I missed it or it needs hours of writing, however the breakthrough came today,

His wife (not her mom, as her mom passed 5 months after rejecting me (that was another dilemma for Salam) and he married some great women, a women that would take Salam’s side and would positively influence things) told him (after 1.5 years) that Salam is still in love with Me and she will speak to you. I thought that he will shout and curst things and explode but instead he was calm and said she is not young and she is old enough to make her own choices but I have to speak with her thoroughly about it because I have certain conditions!!!

Salam will speak to her father soon, and ill tell you what will happen

I’m sure that there are a lot of people facing even a more complicated things but I have a big advise, once you wont something don’t stop UNTIL you get it, and know that it consumes most of the energy and thinking but its worth it, just be strong because you’re a free person to take the choices you want, its your life, don’t let anyone control it (directly or indirectly), for some of your who are facing a similar condition, they may feel that they have a mountain to climb, well,,,, yes you have one, just face all the obstacles and most importantly plan things and be proactive, just don’t wait for things to happen because they wont happen by keep on waiting !