12
Jan
2008
29 Comments
Relationships
The Zuender team has prepared new questions for us – this time they would like to know about our relationships.
What do your relationships look like?
* Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
* Do you live with them?
* Married/unmarried?
* Are you seeing several people at a time?
* And what would be your idea of a perfect relationship?
And: What rules and expectations does your society have redarding relationships?
* Is it even possible to go on a regular date without being married in your country?
* What happens if someone cheats?
* What happens if a man or a woman loves someone of the same sex?
Your answers will be translated into German and featured on their wonderful e-Zine. Please answer by sharing your first name and country.
Join the Conversation
Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
Girlfriend. 2 years now. She’s sweet.
Do you live with them?
Nope. We’re unmarried. She’s my secret. We have to sneak around often, or her father will kill me.
Are you seeing several people at a time?
I wish.
And what would be your idea of a perfect relationship?
Someone you could share absolutely anything with, someone you look forward to being around, someone whose presence feels like home.
Is it even possible to go on a regular date without being married in your country?
It’s possible. For some families it’s extremely frowned upon. The more liberal families give that freedom to their children. Mine unfortunately are extremely strict. They keep pressuring me to get married but insist on choosing my wife. That won’t happen. I can never spend my life with someone I’m not in mad love with.
What happens if someone cheats?
They break up. Then the girls attempt to run us over with their cars. The last time I cheated, the girl I cheated on her with was viciously stalked for months.
What happens if a man or a woman loves someone of the same sex?
They get mocked and isolated from society. Homosexuality is considered something very shameful and forbidden.
I consider relationships to be a total waste of time at my age, so I don’t bother being involved in one.
But you are right when you say that they have to be a “secret,” at least with most families. Especially if the person you’re having a relationship with is a foreigner reprsenting a different religion.
I had to protect my edlest sister’s relationship from being exposed as she spent most of her time with her boyfriend when she was in high school.
She’d pretend like we’re going to the movies or to the mall, and then she meets up with her boyfriend and I have to wait for hours in the car! So that when my mom calls, I honk to get her attention and she has to run back so we talk to our mother together “yes we’re having a great time! Don’t worry we’ll be home as soon as the movie is over!” … since when are movies 5 hours long? We always tell our parents “ah it was a Hindi film.” Bollywood films are hideously long. They never suspected us.
But when my sisters break up, they make it so obvious to everyone. They imprison themselves in the room for days, sobbing like babies. Grow up. No man is worth crying over if all he did was leave you. Get another.
Many don’t reveal it, and for good reason. I noted in this post what homosexuals in the region have to go through if their sexuality was exposed.
I have to say that my relationships have been international, intriguing and full of political motivations. Ha!
Actually its not far from the truth…But im married now and we will celebrate our 4 yr anniversary in May. For the most part a relationship should be free from cheating, and full of intellectual exchange. At the same time when you don’t agree on something you need to be able to humbly back off and live and let live.
Omid, I wish there were more guys like you. All the men I know (especially my cousins and brother-in-laws) have to run the extra mile to prove that they are always right – this leads to the nastiest fights with their wives. I think it’s due to the experiences in my family that I’m so pessimistic towards relationships.
Commitments are scary. It would bother me if someone expected me to put them before anything else. If I get married, my husband would be like “hey it’s our anniversary today!” and I’d say “shut up, I’m checking my e-mails!”
It makes me happy though that I don’t have a big secret like this to constantly hide from my family.
I’m currently single, but I had two boyfriends before. My family did not know about the first but I was honest to them about my second. They were unfortunately very unsupportive of my decision to date him as he was of a different Arab nationality (Lebanese.)
It’s not common to find unmarried couples who live with each other here.
since there was a witch hunt here in Germany for long centuries too on gay people, women having a child without being married etc. – it’s gotten meanwhile (since about the 70ies) quite liberal to that theme here. – It’s legal – not meaning accepted by everybody – but it’s so accepted meanwhile, that even the mayor of the capital of Germany, ‘Berlin’ told to the delegates in 2001: “I’m gay & that is quite well” (“Ich bin schwul – und das ist auch gut so!”) – & he’s still mayor there. – There are at least 3 male & one female showmasters & comedians in German tv who publicly confessed to be gay, which makes them even more attractive to the public (or their sensation lust) – but on the other hand: if a farmer on the countryside (e.g. in old traditional Bavaria) is gay – he will in most cases try to hide it, because low acceptance & mockery is at hand..
it’s even allowed to have marriage to the same sex meanwhile here & even prostitution is meanwhile legalized (like in the Netherlands – the only 2 countries in the whole world who legalized it) – on the other hand & according to that liberalism – laws are hard against molesters, violence against women, violence or rape inside the matrimony (a woman even in matrimony is not the possession of the husband), against child abuse, against pimps & sexual exploitering & enslaving of women by those criminal gangs (traficking?) etc. – means there’s a lot of sexual freedom for people who agree with each other to play their favourite game, but very low tolerance to those who molest, force or abuse others against their free own will – hm – well of course not always, because of course here – like everywhere – intolerance never ceases to exist.
I used to be not-so-happily engaged. I was 18 at the time and my parents kept pressuring me into marriage, even before going to university. I managed to get myself out of that one before it got messy.
I’m in a relationship with someone else but I don’t think my family is ready to hear about it yet. Besides it’s only a few months old and I am not sure how serious we’re going to be.
I don’t live with him of course, that would probably classify me as a “whore” here.
Hmm, well, I don’t know if I should reply to this, not really part of your demographic, but..
I’ve been married now for 16 years, and was living with my spouse to be for 4 years before that, so I’ve been with her for about 20 years now. Except for my uncle (one of 5 uncles and aunts) I am the only member of my adult family who has not been divorced, or still on their first marriage. The same is true for most of my wife’s family. Both my and her parents are divorced, mine on their second marriage each, hers living together with each other after marrying other people and then divorcing, then getting together again after almost 25 years!(how messed up is that?) I have probably the most stable relationship in my family. Never felt the need to cheat, never raised a hand to my wife, always worked, and finally we have a daughter! If you ask me, the secret to staying in a long term relationship is to remember that loving your spouse is more important than being right. It’s also good to remember that women are crazy, communicate telepathically with each other and will generally ignore anything that you hide in the wall (as long as it doesn’t start to smell).
My wife also notes that her patience in training me to admit that I am wrong goes a long way, and is also making me write down that a good husband knows that everyone’s ass smells, no matter how pretty the underwear.
keep on going..we are looking forward to get more answers…
thanks and warm regards,
tasha/Zuender/germany
My experiences are similar to the ones expressed above. I’m single now but went through two serious relationships, none of which were revealed to my family for various social and religious reasons. Only my close friends know about my dating life, and frankly that’s how it should be, because it’s none of anyone else’s business.
Oh wow! great topic.
I have had 3 relationships before. all of them end up in misery, the first two were due to families’ strictness. I was about to be murdered once by the brother of my first ex-girlfriend.
Now I’m in an open serious relationship and (I guess)engagement is around the corner
In Israel, marriage is pretty much expected at some point and it depends what your demographic is as to whether you should feel rushed or not. More religious -> get married as early as possible… Lots of people meet their spouses in the army.
Personally, I’m married to another oleh (immigrant) for a year and a half. We dated for a little while and then got engaged and moved in together (before the wedding).
Cheating here is like anywhere else – it exists, people get hurt.
As far as dating, again, it depends on what part of society you’re from. The very religious go on 3 or 4 short dates and decide whether they want to get married. Then you have domestic partners who never officially marry. And everything else in-between.
Family life is very big here – having kids is important whether you are religious or not. So whether or not people are married, if they are in a long-term relationship, babies are usually part of the picture.
Israel is probably the most open Middle Eastern country when it comes to gay rights and coupling. We recently watched the first gay couple to get recognized on their identity cards as married in Jerusalem. Of course, they couldn’t get married in Israel – but they got married abroad and returned without an issue.
* Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend? Yes I have a GF
* Do you live with them? no
* Married/unmarried? Unmarried
* Are you seeing several people at a time? no
* And what would be your idea of a perfect relationship? based on understanding, communication plays a major role
And: What rules and expectations does your society have redarding relationships? there are no expectations, because relationships are not very common
* Is it even possible to go on a regular date without being married in your country? yes
* What happens if someone cheats? just like any other relationship elsewhere in the world
* What happens if a man or a woman loves someone of the same sex? better keep it to him/herself
even though im quite secular and liberal minded, i find this survey insulting as well as redundant—i mean, y should ppl have 2 reveal their relationships or sex lives in an open forum—i think that ur relationships or ur sex life is a very personal and sensitive issue more or less in any culture—and da guys and girls who r revealing them on this forum really need psychological help.
Sameer,
Don’t tell us what to write about. You don’t run this forum nor are you an author here, you’re simply a guest.
If you don’t want to read such things, no one pointed a gun towards your head and made you do it. You’re absolutely welcome to leave. For less offensive content, I strongly suggest you visit Barney.com, it’s more your educational level.
what happened Esra
did i touch a raw nerve??? take a chill pill gurl—as far as im concerned, ur also a guest, so behave like one:)
i just gave an opinion, i never enforced or imposed it on anyone, and thank u a lot but im intelligent enough 2 decide what i wana read or dont wana read and i dont need u lecturing or telling me what website 2 visit or not 2 vist—i never personally attacked u that y ur talking about such a subject but just gave a personal opinion—yet perhaps of ur big fat ego and pride, u took it very personally and just turned around and attacked me personally for no valid reason—i can judge from ur tone, how angry and disrespectful u have been—just read my comment with a cool head and u can c that i never personally attacked u just stated what i thought about this poll—otherwise for all i care, i dont give a damn even if u send ur own nude sex tape 2 this german company—and believe me, if this is da way guests r treated (though i may overlook it this time)im more than happy 2 leave this website becuz as the saying goes “its not worth da SHIT”—im sure ur intelligent 2 understand that
Sameer.. I think this is a very intresting poll, where you get to learn about how different cultures are, and how people think in order to have a better understanding,,,,,and so what if relationships are personal…thats doesn’t mean than talking about them is REVEALINGGGGG (my god revaling what!!!)….so if you can not understand something so simple it might be u the one needing psychological help.
ESRA you rock!!!
I just wanna tell all of you who think that nobody should know abou their love life… that such a attitude is so immature,,and if you can’t show proudly to the world who you love… go back to highschool where kids play like that..not like a real grown up who knows what he wants and its sure about it
saddam and shalom,
LOOK—im just going 2 say this for da final time—-stop ganging up on me—i just gave strictly a personal opinion—and i didnt deserve 2 be insulted by esra and now by u—-i just said that i thought that revealing ur personal sex life in an open forum is kind of crude—i never lambasted or berated esra or anyone for that matter–and i definitely didnt deserve 2 be insulted like that—as a psychologist, i dont need anyone 2 lecture me who is sick or not—and believe me im not even bringing in religion since im personally secular minded myself—thats it—if u disagree, its OK—its ur life, i never chained u or forced u 2 do or not 2 do this—u can disagree but U DONT HAVE DA RITE 2 INSULT ANYONE—but im pretty sure da culture from where most of u come from prohibits u ppl from engaging in civilized discourse and u just engage in insults and sharp tongue language—and for those who r telling me 2 go back 2 high school or learn about different cultures, but excuse me with all due respect, i can proudly say that i already got admission in law school, obviously my intelligence and IQ r high above high school level thats y i got accepted and for saddam, believe me i have travelled and interacted with many different ppl and cultures from around da world—so dont try 2 tell me what i need 2 do or dont need 2 do—ur pplz intellect is in da sub zeros and thats y u cant engage in civilized debate and just turn 2 insults—and as i said b4, i dont care, by all means, stip off ur clothes and send that 2 the foreign company “and show proudly 2 da world who u luv”—if u wana engage in that sickness, plz go ahead with full force—i dont care—but da bottom line is, grow up, sober up, act like real men and women and just becuz someone disagrees with u doesnt mean that its ur insult that u should retort back with insult, and let go of da narrow mentality which most of u ppl exhibit. most of u ppl bitch and complain about how ur govts. suppress free talk and debate and arrest bloggers, but yet here is a fine example of u ppl urself not tolerating dissent and disagreement—perhaps u ppl should take a look in da mirror and c who is complicit in this type of suppression—nothing personal, but perhaps u ppl r not mature enough for debate and discussion and need some time 2 mentally grow.
No one revealed their sex life, stop being such a prude! We’re talking about relationships here. What, you never held a girl’s hand?
Please. Look who’s talking.
For the final time: Don’t read this thread if you don’t want to. This is our website and we’ll discuss whatever we wish to here. If you don’t like it, you can go elsewhere!
Sameer, just because you can’t get any doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t. This is an open forum, anything goes.
AND FOR DA FINAL TIME U IMBECILES
I DONT CARE IF U DID REVEAL UR SEX LIFE—BUT THAT WASNT DA POINT—-AND IF U STILL COULDNT GET DA POINT I WAS MAKING THEN I PITY UR INTELLECTUAL CAPABILITIES===AND O YEH GIRL, I CAN PROUDLY ASSERT THAT I HAD AND STILL HAVE MORE THAT JUST A GIRLZ HAND—SO SHUT DA FUCK UP—UR SO FUCKING CONCEITED THAT U CANT EVEN ADMIT TO UR RUDENESS—AND O YEH, AFTER THIS I WONT FUCKING EVEN SPIT AT UR FUCKING WEBSITE—U PPL DONT EVEN HAVE DA INTELLECTUAL CAPABILITY TO ENGAGE IN A DECENT,CULTURED AND CIVILIZED DISCOURSE—SO FUCK OFF 2 UR DESERT CAMPS OR WEHRE DA FUCK UR FROM—I KNOW THE FACT THAT UR INTENTIONALLY DIVERTING ATTENTION FROM DA REAL ISSUE—UR RUDENESS—MY READING THIS THREAD WAS NEVER DA ISSUE—SO KEEP QUIET BECUZ UR NOT IN ANY POSITION 2 TELL ME ANYTHING—AND U MARDOOD FROM KUWAIT: DO U EVEN KNOW ME PERSONALLY THAT U R TELLING ME THAT “I COULDNT GET ANY”—-BOY, STOP SHOOTING FROM UR HIP WHEN U DONT KNOW JACKSHIT—I HAVE GIVEN COUNSELLING TO THOUSANDS OF U DICKLESS DICKS AND HOW MUCH U CAN GET OR SCORE, I KNOW VERY WELL SO JUST SHOVE IT, AND I WONT EVEN GET STARTED 2 SAVE UR SORRY FACE.
WELL FUCKING GOODBYE U RETARDS.
FYI -
DA CAPS KEY IS USUALI TO DA LIEFT
BTW DO U HAF GF. CURENTLY SINGL LOOKIN FOR “WHATEVA I CAN GET.”
Your comment totally qualified to be deleted. But just for the sake of lols, we’ll keep it here. You’re in dire need to get laid.
PS: This is awesome -
Invite me to one of your sessions. I’ll bring salad and granola bars.
U CAN THINK WHATEVER U WANA —EVEN THOUGH ITS NUN OF UR BUSINESS, IM VERY SEXUALLY SATISFIED WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS IF THATS WHAT U WANA KNOW—FINE THEN DELETE MY COMMENTS IF U THINK IT QUALIFIES AS SUCH—I REALLY DONT CARE—I DONT NEED 2 BE LAID BUT IF MADAM U SAY SO, THEN OK, CUM 2 ME BABY AND LAY ME IF UR WOMAN ENOUGH—I DONT DO COUNSELLING ANYMORE, BUT IF UR SERIOUS, CUM ON I WILL GIVE U FULL BODY SESSION, DONT WORRY ABOUT FOOD, JUST BRING LUBRICATION AND CONDOMS BABY:)
P.S. THOUGHT CAPS LOCK WOULD MAKE IT CONSPICOUS
DONT WORRY, I KNOW UR BODY HEAT IS BUILDING UP AND ABOUT 2 EXPLODE SO JUST HURRY UP AND PROMISE U, U WILL GET DA SATISFACTION OF UR LIFE, SHARMOOTEE BITCH.
poor sameer
this person is so confused and inmature
i don’tknow what he is doing here, if he can’t discuss such a simple topic
so narrowed ppl should be avoided
and he talks like gangsta (GROW UP!!!!!!!)
godddddddddd
sameer
is so inmature
if you wanna go have sex cause you can’t get a REAL GIRL
go to a porn site!!!!!!!!
and stop sending your stupid messages
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