Comments on: So What About Marriage?

By: joellenktromburgk

joellenktromburgk — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 14:46:29 +0000

hello guys

I just want to say hi

By: superlearnmathngentot

superlearnmathngentot — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 11:05:00 +0000

hello guys

I just want to say hi

By: Ameen

Ameen — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 14:16:22 +0000

This is a ridiculous post, the figures of 0-7% and 55% have not been clearly elucidated. Where are the links to such an astounding contrast? Also, since when do marriages in the US speak for all marriages not brought together by an arrangement? And in fact, such a percentage for the US could well include arranged marriages. What are the divorce rates in the Middle East? I’m willing to suggest that whatever rates are given are not in fact true indications of the actual rates. What kind of fairy tale is this author living in, one of self-delusion? Arranged marriages take the responsibility completely away from the woman, and the man as the parents do all the leg work. And what about family pressure? Does that not have a terrific impact? Why are non-arranged marriages simplified to meeting in a smokey infested bar? Do people who meet without the hand of daddy only meet in pubs and bars? This is a very risky suggestion, are you a tad-bit bigoted or racist? No, this is a sycophant at best, an occidentalist at worst. And what does contraception have to do with any of this? Are you referring to abortion?

No, what a marriage or relationship takes is commitment, honesty and willingness to forgive. Without that, Amira you’ve got nothing.

By: eric

eric — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 14:15:19 +0000

I’ve been married going on 17 years now, and, while my marriage contradicts some of the guidelines (vocation and wealth specifically), we’re still happy & in love. However, I do agree that love will not necessarily see one through a marriage. Couples must realize that they are literally adopting new identities when they wed, that many of the things that they took for granted will change. I think that the problem here lies with this culture of self-interest that unfortunately we in the West have embraced, and I think this started with my parents generation. So much emphasis is put on building an individual identity and attaining personal happiness on some insane, continuous level like a TV ad figure that most people have very low triggers for “closing off” and losing empathy, consensus and tolerance. And I gotta tell ya, THOSE ARE VERY IMPORTANT QUALITIES IN MARRIAGE.
It took long, hard times for the missus and me to develop and maintain those attributes, but in the end it was certainly worth it. On the other hand, however, I have never understood the concept of marriage before sex. How can you consider committing to spending the rest of your life with someone before you have the opportunity to see and smell them first thing in the morning?

By: anon

anon — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 03:57:49 +0000

I hold the idea that neither arranged marriages nor “love” marriages work properly currently. As evidenced by the astounding divorce rates in the US (where marriages are unarranged) as well as those in several Arab countries (where marriages are arranged) where the rates are on par with the US.

People now a days are just freaking lazy. Hence the divorces after 1 year of marriage and what not. I remember one blog I used to read, a muslim woman who had had arranged marriages indicated that she was on marriage number 3 within a time span of like 10 years or something. And that was apparently completely normal. I’m sorry but it is not. And than I have my own cousin who had a nonarranged marriage and he divorced after like 3 years.

I think I agree with one of the commenters who said its a generational thing.

And the guidelines you listed are pretty good. Really the only thing that I’m an absolute stickler about is that I’m against interreligious marriages (for myself, that is)

And speaking about attractiveness, in places like Saudi Arabia are men able to see their wife-to-be’s face before hand even if she wears a niqaab, because I think it would be quite problematic if you ended up with someone you thought was completely hideous.

By: Halalhippie /Denmark

Halalhippie /Denmark — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 23:32:39 +0000

“I do firmly hold that a relationship that addresses the practicalities first and then allows romantic attachment to flourish must certainly be more successful than one that masks logic with immediate physical reactions.” And what are the criteria for “successful” ? If a couple live miserably together till “death do them part” because divorce isn’t an option, for religious, social or economic reasons, is that marriage more successful than one that lasts happily for a few years and then ends amicably ? The 55% divorce rate in the US (if true) can’t compare to other cultures. Ideally a couple live together because they _want_ to, not because they _have_ to.

Been with the same woman for 20 years, married to her half the time. No family involved in any match-making. Perish the thought.

By: Omid T (Iran/USA)

Omid T (Iran/USA) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:46:27 +0000

Madmax post all you want! I am in the States too and I have never even been to Iran, although I speak farsi etc…

Thanks for your support on behalf of MEY.

By: Omid T (Iran/USA)

Omid T (Iran/USA) — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:44:34 +0000

Very good post Amira. Although if you google the 55% statistic of divorce in the US you will run into a lot of counter evidence. In any case, its too much.

I met my wife online and we both share the same faith. its important we we did go back and forth with emails before we actually met. I don’t regret it at all.

I think a big thing with marriage is that you must always remember that you will sacrifice a little of your self. Do not ever think that you will force your way on someone else. It takes mutual give and get. Always…

We used to fight all the time the first year or so. Not anymore. Its also helpful to try to really get to know the other person spiritually. It really increases your respect for them.

By: Madmax

Madmax — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:08:00 +0000

I am not so sure that the high divorce rate is due to the method by which Americans meet their partners (whether arranged or not). I feel it is more due to the fact that Americans of today are more individualistic and selfish – our media emphasizes material wealth and personal gain as means to happiness. The emphasis is always on the self, not the family. As a result, people are less willing compromise and work out their problems with each other – it is simply easier to divorce and go your separate ways. In other words: “Why should I compromise MY wants for anyone else?” This mentality will cause our destruction (and the destruction of others) if unchecked.

My parents have been married for 25 years and theirs was not arranged (their generation was more responsible). However, I am not against the idea. Parents have more life experience and can often be good judges of character.

BTW, sorry for not introducing myself: I am a student at the University of Pennsylvania (wharton) who is studying Near Eastern civilizations and Business. I have been reading this blog a lot lately since I discovered it this may and like many of you I feel this is one of the few constructive efforts out there to foster understanding between those of different faiths in the Middle East.

If I have not right ot post here…let me know. I can live with reading!