A Life Defined

As an honor graduate, I’ve always been proud of myself, and so were my family and my friends. After all, I’ve worked hard to earn my degree and I spent days and months gaining experience through extracurricular activities; whether by volunteering, doing internships or representing my country abroad. I felt confident to head for new horizons and face more challenging experiences in the job market. However, I was never ready to be discriminated for my beliefs, faith or to be denied something I deserve based on what I did not choose.

Lebanon is one of the most democratic countries in the Middle East, and the most liberal among all Arab countries. Yet, this democracy is plagued by sectarianism, which is a system of government that proportionally distributes political power based on religious and ethnic communities, called “sects”. Sectarianism is deeply rooted in the Lebanese political and legal system, and has become the dominant social, economic, and political reality. Many positions in the public institutions are assigned according to religious affiliation, which is an unfair situation that dehumanizes citizens making them nothing more than representatives of religious groups.

However, given the fact that I am an accomplished individual, and that I am intending to work in the private sector, where qualifications and achievements are the main criteria, I thought I shouldn’t worry about facing the discriminate sectarian system in the public sector.

Unfortunately, I was proven wrong.

It all started when I once applied for a job vacancy. I was confident that I am qualified for the position, and I was asked to attend an interview. In the interview room, I found myself surrounded by 3 interviewers, elegantly and formally dressed, with wide smiles on their faces.

As the interview began, questions started raining on me from every direction. Some were about my background and career; others were about my interests and talents. Some were tricky and asked about my weak points; others were informal and attempted to test my attitude and adaptation. But most of the questions revolved around my career and qualifications, which I was very proud of. Fortunately, I found no difficulty in giving every single question the right answer that it deserves. I could clearly see the signs of astonishment and satisfaction on the faces of the interviewers. I knew I was what they wanted, and I knew that I made a very good impression from the first few minutes… until the earthquake question suddenly came in out of the blue:
“Excuse us for the question, but to what sect do you belong?”

There was a pause.
Then silence.

I felt awkward, hoping that I misheard what I was just asked.

“Sorry–again?” I asked.
“Your religion – to what religious sect do you belong?”

I was never comfortable talking publically about my religious faith. It is something very private that is only between me and God. Not a part of my relationship with the people, and definitely not a discussion in a job interview.

Eventually, I told them to what religious sect I belonged to. Then I asked: “Is there a problem?” expecting them to simply carry on.

To my surprise, they didn’t.

Once again, silence filled the room. But this time, their facial expressions that showed a sense of dissatisfaction triggered a wave of worries in my mind. Then, the main interviewer said: “We’re afraid that yes…there is a small problem.”

I gulped. Speechless, I raised my eyebrows, indicating that I’m lost, and in need for an explanation. The main interviewer then took a deep breath and explained:
“You see, we divide some positions in our company according to religious sects. Unfortunately the position you are applying for is not for your religious sect…which means we cannot accept you.”

Shocked, my eyes grew wider. I was in total disbelief. For a second, I thought that what was being told to me was either a joke, or an interview trap to test my response.

Again, I was wrong.

“We’re very sorry” he continued, “– but this is our system, and it’s no different from the country itself, you know. But actually you could still apply to another … “

At that moment, I stopped listening. My mind went completely blank and I only saw myself standing up, with full force and tension, heading towards the door.

“I’ll tell you what I know!” I said in a trembling voice. “… what I know is that I am neither interested in this position, nor in you, not even in the whole company anymore!”

I quickly ran to the exit, speeding with every step, turning my deaf ear to whatever they had to say. I was trembling, mad and furious. And most of what I remember is one deep, strong feeling: the feeling of being dehumanized.
For the first time in my life I was being narrowed down from an honor graduate student, an accomplished, ambitious and determined individual …all the way to a “religious group”.

For the first time in my life, I was being judged for what I haven’t chosen. All the choices I’ve made, all the difficult decisions I’ve taken …all the dreams, hopes and aspirations that I had were all ignored…within seconds.

On my way home, warm tears began running down my cheeks. I felt I was stabbed in the heart, mistreated and thrown away. I felt so degraded to the extent I started questioning myself:

Is that what I get after years of hard work? Why were my choices ignored and instead substituted for the part of my identity which I never chose?

Questions hurled through my mind but remained unanswered.

From time to time, I recall what was said to me in that interview, echoing the painful words in my mind, trying to bury them in the wastes of my black memories. Those sharp words were painful thorns that distorted my blossoming hopes for getting the job of my dream. In that encounter, I felt my life was defined, by those who do not know me, and for reasons that I never expected.

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