Podcast: Sex, relationships, and independence in the Arab world
October 24th, 2009In this podcast, I speak with Nadia from Tunisia about relationships and the perception of sex in the Arab world. What is accepted, what isn’t, and what’s hypocritical about our current societies. This is an important discussion but still surprisingly a taboo in the MENA region. Amongst the things we discuss are: virginity, independence (specifically for women), families, marriage, and societal expectations.
Keep in mind that most of what’s in the podcast is a result of our observations and personal opinions. Regardless of whether or not you agree, we urge you to keep the conversation respectful.
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Esraa and Nadia nice job
. But when you talk about being honest about the excesses/indulgences I believe you also take into account the consequences of being ‘honest’.
Please take a look at the following links:
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5hAQLxI86-gpuDLBjyvxt6rSSc9oQ
http://business.maktoob.com/20090000388030/Flogging_of_female_journalist_too_light_/Article.htm
Going out as couples is like committing a crime, huge crime. The problem is men in gulf countries specially are not equipped well to have relationships before marriage, if they were already taught that woman is someone to avoid to leave space when passing by, then how to expect a healthy relation between a man and a woman in our area. studying at university with men I’ve noticed that some men even scared to have eye contact with women, as if we were some freaks of somewhere out the space, they hardly talk to us or dare to communicate.
Believe me there is no such thing as couples out of marriage circle in the gulf, and there is no such thing as freedom, if there is enough freedom we can have healthy relationships. In my area, if a woman wants to establish a relationship, and if she doesn’t have a family who would understand this need, she’ll be facing lots of challenges and problems. myself I wouldn’t dare saying I’m talking to a man or going out with a man, or to name a man as my friend.
And of course sex is not in the list, first because of the religion and of the nature of our society, but seriously when a woman or a man decided to start a relation they should expect some (kisses and hugs) otherwise why to start one, for me starting a relation doesn’t have to do with the need of having a man beside me but also the love that comes with him, I don’t and I won’t be happy and satisfied in a relation feeling as my hands closed to my chest and acting as I don’t need anything from this man other than hanging out and eating together.
gays and lesbian relations is a serious issue now here, but the funny thing is that it’s a problem born of a problem, especially in KSA where women are covered head to toes, and separated, then this kind of abnormality is something very normal as a result.
Talking about the independency, men have it all, why a woman can’t live alone? why can’t travel alone? or why not decide whether to get married or stay single. Why is a woman who shows so much independency called names? and being judged all the time? Now what kind of independency we have if we can’t even admit our needs and instead we twist the truth in the name of religion, even god says that Qur’an is valid for years to come, why not using god’s words wisely and let it help us not Kill our nature and desires and by this building issues that are more dangerous than the issue being covered and neglected. Yes rules are made to protect people but not to kill and terminate our needs.
To sum up, independency is very important and it’ll never be given, not here.
[...] By Esra’a. Adapted with permission from our good friends at MideastYouth.com. [...]
I wanted to let all 15 to 19 year old students to know about the African Leadership Academy Scholarship. We are looking to create the next generation of African Leaders. We are now recruiting students in Tunisia, Libya and Sudan. This is the first time that we are actively recruiting in these countries. Please visit our website at http://www.africanleadershipacademy.org. For me information, please email me at eoummih@africanleadershipacademy.org.
I am a Muslim revert from Europe and I am really sad to hear two supposedly Muslim ladies to speak this way about relationships and sex: if you are a Muslim you should be only looking for pleasing Allah and noone else not your parents and not your desires. Clearly there is not sex before marriage in Islam and you should follow Allah’s Commandments instead of following your nafs and saying that what is haram is now halal. May Allah put all of us in the right path and be happy to be Muslim, you are on the truth, do not try to go on the way on the unbelievers.
Layla – I think you’re getting Islam mixed up too much and forgetting cultural traditions.
Not everyone in the Arab world is a dedicated 100% Muslim.
Even in the Islamic tradition, one is expected to respect one’s family.
What people are talking about here are their cultural traditions.
I know that as a European ‘Revert’ – you want to be able to find a community to fit into – that will fit into all of the rules and regulations that you have read about in your Islamic books.
This is not an Islamic forum and the discussion is not even discussing ‘Islam per se’.
There are lots of different religious cultural and ethnic minorities within the Middle East, not just ‘Islam’. ‘Islam’ is also practiced differently in every country, as each country’s traditions have evolved in their own unique way.
You can’t project your own ideas of religion that you have read about in books on other people, talking about their own personal experiences, which are completely different and unique.
It doesn’t work. If you want to understand ‘people’ and the culture – then that’s not the same as religion. Each person has their own cultural experience, and family traditions in the Arab world, are more often what counts first. That is the same in most countries.
Respecting yourself and your family needs is what counts first.
Even in Islam – respecting your family is a vital requirement in your choice of marriage.