Imagine
November 19th, 2009I had to act as everything is ok, as if I’m alright and happy. Imagine yourself having to pretend that you’re living the day just like you did the day before, that life is fair and that you’re strong as stone and nothing could or will break you down. Imagine when your heart is bleeding and your tears are hidden between your eyes and your cheek and still you’re fine… You’re ok, where everything is fucked and everything is damaged you still there standing like never before… You look stronger and brave. You talk to people while the only thing you want and need to do is crying and shouting, they talk to you and expect a normal respond and that’s what should come from you, so you force yourself to act normal, but inside you’re dying, then you wish you put your hand on their mouth and shut them up but still you can’t do that, because what happened has happened and life should go on, who cares if you’re half dead and half alive and who cares if you can’t live through the day without crying, it’s your life and it was your mistake from the start, you started it then you got to finish it.
How is it then to live without brain inside your head!! how would it feel if you force yourself to get up of your bed and again the same thing happens when you want to sleep, you just can’t sleep, you simply can’t, because it is the way it should be, because your life has been already put into sleep, and the reason behind all your suffering is out there stretching lips and showing teeth just like lions you can’t trust yet you believe it when it smiles.

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Beautifully written! So moving and sad.
Sounds like a scene from the movie The Graduate, with Dustin Hoffman.
Great post! Sadly we always overcome such situations with smiles when as you correctly stated we feel like handling them so differently…