She pushed me to the wall and told me she worries about me, also she said she worries about what people would say about her if I do what i’m not supposed to do, I wake up everyday hearing the ugliest words she treats me so badly with no care or love. She and her master, her hasband, I despise him, might be anger only but I can’t love that man, I hate my own family because I’m hurt, you might see me as stupid ungreatful person butI have the whole right to hav some peace in my life and I can’t speak or sleep or enjoy my life without being emotionally disturbed without worrying about my sanity then i have the whole right to defend myself to protect myself because I dont have a life!

I run to the human rights office, found out it was moved, instead there was women society office, it was closed that afternoon, who should I run for? tell me? my brother? would he listen, honestly am scared of everybody in my family now, I don’t know what to expect, when I told my mum I dont feel well, i’m depressed, she said if you’re crazy go to the psychatric hospital and sleep there let them open your brain and fix it, so harsh so cruel who should I run to, I wanted them to believe me, to feel with me, yet they hurt me, and for the first time in my life am scared this much. I can’t think well or sleep well or talk well or even write well, its not just hard to live in this society, they even murder you alive when they dont believe you when you say you’re depressed. For that, I stand by every woman and man who can’t stand living here anymore, who’s suffering so much and the people who suppose to help hurt him/her the most, run away if you could. Living in fear isnt living.

Then they directly said, it’s the woman who should be blamed for that and in our case, it was the girl, the pure little thing, because she wears sexy clothes, she wears shorts and sleeveless shirts that would show her little breast line, her dad and brother normally will be seduced by that! If anybody to blame, is the female. I didn’t say a thing on that, I was the only one with different thoughts, and if I wanted to add something I would say stop blaming women for everything and anything a man does. And I’ll stop here, because you readers already know where this discussion might goes if I said that.

One of them even gave example to add more reality to their logical points! She told a story about a girl who hugged her uncle so tightly and she was wearing sexy shirts and pair of jeans ‘she hardly fit in’. Making it sound like it was something very disgusting.. And I said nothing on that too.

When two married couples break up, blame the woman…. blame the one. With your voice, with your hands, blame her. When are they going to stop? That’s the question.

You tell that to someone who’s normal and stable, because some people can’t understand why they should live another day if they know it won’t be any nicer, they are doing their best to solve their issues but nothing seems to work. They are with people and yet alone, they are smiling but so sad deep inside, they would do everything wrong just to find the right way to make things right, they would go to the extreme doing things to calm themselves to feel better, but things stay the same.

People on their attempts to help you, they make you feel even worse than you already do, they believe you’re a psycho they just wouldn’t say it to you directly, making you feel that your biggest mistake was to share your life with everyone.
You’ll find yourself asking for help more than getting it, you’ll have to do what you’ve never done in your life just to make things right and you’ll find yourself making more mistakes, making your life even more troubled, tiring yourself and your mind, you’ll be cut into pieces, each piece you won’t understand, you will walk feeling that you are walking with yourself, and yourself is totally stranger to you, neither your or yourself can understand each other, you will feel you’re multiplied, you’re different person everyday that you can’t even recognize who you are anymore.

Things will get worse, and you will give up, people will give up on you, you’ll be tired even sick, you won’t be able to walk or to talk or to see people, you just want to live with yourself multiplied by two!

“Forgive me please ” were his exact words, and mine were: Not so easily, you’ll have to pay back what you have taken from me, you shouldn’t be happy when I’m down, what you did to me is unforgivable, do something then I’ll forgive you,… I might. “What kind of things?” He asked, ”anything but you should make a big effort to deserve my forgiveness, I don’t deserve what you have decided to put on me, you owe me big time.

Now what kind of woman was I? A strong one? Was I harsh on him? Why do I feel weird as If I’m not ‘me’ anymore, then what am I?A different woman?

I told him he’ll never know how I feel because he’s not a woman, this is why it’s hard for him to understand what I’m going through as a results of his actions, he just doesn’t understand, I wish he could.

And after all the crimes he did against me, ”I love you still” he said!

How is it then to live without brain inside your head!! how would it feel if you force yourself to get up of your bed and again the same thing happens when you want to sleep, you just can’t sleep, you simply can’t, because it is the way it should be, because your life has been already put into sleep, and the reason behind all your suffering is out there stretching lips and showing teeth just like lions you can’t trust yet you believe it when it smiles.